Ask Not What You Can Do, But Who You Are

“Does our value come from what we do, or do we intrinsically have value?” This question was presented to me about three months ago, and I’m still not quite sure how to answer it. The answer should be obvious to any indoctrinated soul…intrinsic value of course! We’re all made in the image of God, what a ridiculous question! However, when I examine my heart and think on the ways in which I choose to live my life, I realize that’s not the answer I believe at all.

We have been brought up to believe that we are only as valuable as we are useful to society. Darwin teaches us that only the fittest survive, while those that are weak or can’t pull their weight will die off and their inferior genetic structure will be deleted from the gene pool. This way we as humanity can better progress into the future as a stronger, healthier species. Even monotheistic religions (yes, even Christianity) teach that one is only as useful or valuable to God as their level of holiness or moral perfection, and that doing good things will win you favor with God…after all faith without works is dead. Other churches seek great acts of God, and look for value in that. Our culture assigns value to something based on what it can do or how it appears; its level of skill, talent, experience, beauty, moral integrity, intelligence, power and authority, wealth, and even sometimes by how well a person can keep us entertained, and of course the more public exposure of all the above the greater the value. These are the things that I have strived to bottle for myself and I have found myself chasing after the wind, but at the same time they draw me into their hurricane. Long story short, I have always measured my value by these standards and have found my self to be lacking. Now God is telling me that none of this matters to Him and that He just loves me….and I don’t get it.

The question of value came to the forefront of my thinking while I was in Thailand. One particular day, my team and I spent the entire day working with a ministry known as the Ruth Center; a ministry within the YWAM umbrella that focuses on enriching the lives of those who live in the slums of Bangkok. This includes everything from merely building a relationship with them, to repairing their houses, to helping them find a source of income, to watching their children, etc. This was my absolute favorite day of ministry in Thailand.

We split into two teams and made our way into two separate slums, each fully equipped with our own, fully functional tour guide; ours was a young woman by the name of Pi Noi who turned out to be one of the functioning leaders of the ministries at the Ruth Center. We followed her closely as she led us from a forest of chilled homes in suburbia, where the Ruth Center recently made its headquarters, into the Hellish heat of true Southeast Asia. If you’ve seen one slum you’ve seen them all, there’s little difference; pieces of sheet metal nailed haphazardly to a slowly rotting wooden frame. Holes in the wood paneled floors reveal the lake of toxic sludge that the houses are hovering above. They use what looks like cheap wallpaper to cover their floors so that they don’t get splinters from walking around their homes. They’re lucky to have this; they pay a man, whose giant house with in-ground pool and well manicured flora is just outside the slum, in order to have even this. The hopelessness is palpable.

We traveled through the slum from home to home, as if we were students on a museum tour journeying from exhibit to exhibit, learning the rich history behind each ancient artifact; except these exhibits could be touched and could touch back. Their stories have yet to come to an end. Some of their stories were beautiful, some of them sad. Some have been redeemed; some have decided to adorn sadness as an ornament around their necks, pulling them slowly into a Hell from which there will eventually be no escape. Their stories will forever be imprinted on my heart.

The first stop on our tour was a hardy woman of 74 and her son of 50 something. She, a plump woman, sat in the middle of her small dwelling while her son sat up in his bed on the far side of the room. His legs were as thick as my wrists, making walking very difficult for him. He has diabetes; it had gotten so bad at one point that his legs began to excrete puss from every pore. The doctor wanted to amputate, but he refused; many hands were laid on him in prayer and he was healed. Jesus appeared before him in a vision and touched his body; he’s followed God ever since.

The second exhibit was the home of another 74 year old woman, this one clearly in better health than the last. She was a lonely divorcee who was left with nothing. Her only comfort was her cat. Her faith is in God, praying that she can find a source of income. We prayed that God would redeem to her a family. At 74 years of age she had only begun to live, and she had hope for her future.

The third home was occupied by a man nursing a broken heart from the wife who had left him 8 years ago. He had apparently promptly died on the spot and has refused to live since. The tattoo he inscribed on his arm is there to remind him of the depth of his hurt so that he may never forget. He seemed fairly disinterested in us and what we had to say to him, apparently bitterness is a better companion.

The fourth house was the most devastating. A mother refusing to grow up leaves the raising of her own children to her deadbeat father and overworked, but good-natured mother, as she spends her time partying with her friends, bringing home a different boy almost every night. The dwelling is an explosion of dirty bedding and ripped up concrete. Urine was the predominant stench. The mother wants to sell her youngest son to the Ruth Center, but they would rather teach her to take responsibility for her life and her children. How can people be so blind?

Our last visit was to a quiet woman in her sixties who owned a small store, in the midst of the slums, which was experiencing hard times economically. The store barely made enough for her to support herself, but her daughter left her children with her and has since not returned to retrieve them…she is unsure of how she will get the finances to support her daughter's children as well. She contemplated killing her grandchildren and then herself, but found God instead. Now she sells shaved ice; we all had some; it was surprisingly good. There was a certain sadness to her manners that made her beautiful.

As we met each new slum resident, they transformed before our eyes from one more nameless person that we would see on a Compassion International commercial, into a real human being with desires and dreams; fears and regrets. I was no different than them and they were no different than me, I just happened to be born in wealth and they in poverty. In my heart I knew they had so much value for just being who they are, and that God loved them very deeply. After hearing all of their stories, how could one believe any different?

I would love to now state that after hearing all of these stories I now see that we all have intrinsic value, but I cannot honestly say that I believe that. Since becoming a Christian, it’s become fairly easy for me to see that others have great value in the eyes of God and that He has great compassion for all; where I fail is seeing value in myself. I want to be a great person and do great things; nothing else will satisfy me. I’ve often wondered why this is, why do I seek so ardently to be someone who is great, to be someone who is noticed…I now see that it is because I have come to believe that the most valued person is a great person. Who would you say is more valuable to society, Martin Luther King Jr. or your school janitor? I'm not knowcking the custodial profession...I'm just trying to make a point. I strive to be morally perfect, to make all the right decisions, to help those in need, but what is it all for? Why strive for greatness? In less than a generation all of my work may be undone or forgotten.

A smart place for a confused Christian with such delusions of grandeur to run to for answers would be The Bible, so as a good, little Christian, this is where I turn to. Surprisingly, throughout the Old Testament God seemed to show little concern for the life of an individual…especially if they were living in disobedience. Time after time God would send a plague on a people group, killing thousands because of an act of disobedience, while the righteous act of one man or woman could save an entire nation, for a time. God seemed more concerned with the survival of a corporate people group than the individuals within that group; God spent the entirety of the Old Testament attempting to create a people that would allow Him to be their God.

Based on this, it would seem that there is something to be said of God finding value in people based on what they do or do not do, at the same time however, the Old Testament is riddled with a God that is angry with His people for not upholding the case of the orphan or the widow…two of the most undervalued, useless people groups in that society. It is also clear that very often God chooses people for no reason at all to be his chosen servants. Samson may have had great physical strength…but his moral integrity and self-control left something to be desired. David may have trusted God, but he himself states that he is the least in a family that is one of the least, yet God chose Him to be one of the greatest rulers this Earth has ever seen. Abraham was a nobody from nowhere and God chose him; no reason is stated other than his great faith…but did that come before or after he was chosen? Jacob was chosen over Esau to become the father of God’s chosen people; Paul makes it very clear in his letter to the Romans that this election had nothing to do with Jacob’s actions or inane righteousness…in fact one could argue that Jacob’s actions throughout his life were less righteous than his brother’s. It seems that God is in the business of taking those who the world sees as “weak” and making them into some of the world’s most influential people. Even Joseph, who may have been the “greatest” among his brothers, was placed in situation after situation where he was considered the least before God granted him a position that one consider “great.”

The New Testament is even more rife with examples of those who are the least, the weak members of society, having so much value despite what they do or do not do. If we are to find our value in being morally perfect then why did Paul state in Romans that while we were still “sinners” or immoral, Christ died for us? If we are to get our value from serving God why did Jesus tell Martha that Mary chose the better thing by sitting at His feet rather than serve Him with a great feast? Jesus made it clear in His parable of the prodigal son that even if we waste everything that He has given us and become nothing in the eyes of the world, He is still there waiting for us to come to Him so that He can remind us of how much He loves us and how valuable we are to Him as a son or daughter.

I think perhaps the most moving example of this principle in the New Testament for me personally is found in Matthew 13:44, the parable of the hidden treasure,

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold everything he had and bought that field.” (NIV)

Then Matthew goes on to tell the same parable again but with a pearl instead of a hidden treasure. Before I went to college I had heard this parable explained as, “We must give up everything for God!” and that may be what Jesus meant here, but I’m not so sure if that’s the whole story. I think Jesus may have been explaining a principal that rules in His Kingdom; if you see something of great value you should give everything in order to have it. Let’s apply this value to God; He gave up all He had, that which He loves most…His son. Why did he do this? John 3:16 may be overused, but it explains it perfectly, so that we may have eternal life. Like the man in this parable, God saw something of such great value that in his joy he gave up everything he had in order to have it. We are the hidden treasure of great value. We didn’t do anything to become valuable in God’s sight, like gold or silver or a fine jewel, our mere existence is a cause for great rejoicing and demands a high price to be paid. Now, all we have to do is accept the payment as sufficient and give ourselves and our love to God.

Of course there is so much in the New Testament as well about faith without works being dead, and Jesus's imminent return, in which He will sort the righteous from the wicked and all that. But God is challenging my motivation as to WHY I work. Recently God took me to two passages to show me how he wants me to live; the first is found in Ecclesiastes 5:15-17,

“Naked a man comes from his mother’s womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand. This too is a grievous evil: As a man comes, so he departs, and what does he gain, since he toils for the wind? All his days he eats in darkness, with great frustration, affliction and anger.” (NIV)

In context, the author is talking about riches, but the author makes it pretty clear that everything we do is meaningless throughout the entirety of the work. Not entirely satisfied with the conclusion of the author of Ecclesiastes about how to live in spite of the meaningless of life, I asked God how I should live, and he brought me to Ephesians 5:1-2,

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (NIV)

Striving and toiling are meaningless, because we’re working for something that will pass away; momentary social acceptance, wealth, fame, etc. Instead, live a life of love, knowing that each one of us has value and worth to God, whether you’re from a slum in Thailand, a penthouse in NYC, a suburb in Michigan, or have never had a place to call home. My head is convinced…my heart still is having a hard time understanding; I feel like this is something that will take a lifetime to truly accept. I do, however, believe that if we all truly lived as if we were God’s valued possessions, then this world would be a beautiful place. Yet instead of resting in the love of God, we continue to strive, such is our curse as humanity.

　

Faith: A Perspective

In Youth With a Mission (YWAM), we are required to have corporate intercession three times a week. For those of you who are a little rusty on your Christianese, this is a time where we get into groups and ask God what He wants us to pray for, and we pray for whatever comes up whether it's a bright, shiny ball or the country of Togo. Generally we get a smattering of various topics to pray for and this past Wednesday's intercession time was no exception. After each member of our intercession group felt God ask us to pray for something completely different, one of the members of my group felt that God was leading him to Mark 7:27.

He read it aloud.

"Isn't that about the Syro-Pheonecian woman?"

"Uh...Yeah"

I hate the story of the Syro-Pheonician woman, so for someone to think that God is using her sordid tale in an intercession time was disconcerting to me.

Let's take this moment to have a brief history lesson; the Jewish people during the time of Christ saw themselves as God's chosen people (which they were) and because of this often saw themselves as superior in the sight of God to those from other nations, especially those from pagan nations. They were often under the impression that they had been chosen by God from among the nations, because of their high moral character; as Paul explains in Romans, this was not the case at all, they were merely God's chosen people because God chose them. This however didn't stop them from occasionally having a superiority complex. So, when a woman from such a nation approaches Jesus to heal her demon-possessed child, it should be no surprise to the people of the time when Jesus responds to such a request by saying,

"First let the children eat all they want," he told her, "for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."

The "children" is obviously referring to the people of Israel, God's chosen people among the nations of the Earth, therefore the "dog" must be referring to the woman before him. It was not uncommon for the Jewish people at this time to view people of a differing ethnicity as sub-human, for they thought that salvation came through blood and as a result took great pride in being Jewish. The text makes it very clear that she was a Greek, born in Syrian Pheonicia, currently living in the city of Tyre (or she was at least there, for this is where she encountered Jesus); if you are at all aware of Greek culture at this time they were primarily pagan...meaning they worshipped many gods, or idols. By calling her a "dog," Jesus was rudely reminding her of her place in the world as a pagan, and a "gentle" reminder of the Jewish mindset towards Gentiles (non-Jews) at this point in history. Upon hearing Jesus's racist response, the humble woman replies,

"Yes Lord, but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs."

Jesus, apparently moved by this response, decides to heal her daughter.

I really hope I have made it abundantly clear why I hate this story...it paints Jesus as ethnocentric and mildly racist. This has boggled my mind, because it clearly goes against his character that is shown many other stories throughout the four gospels where he has no scruples crossing ethnic or gender barriers in order to love others fully (except for a similar version of this story found in Matthew 15 about a Canaanite woman).

Until this point, I had just tried to pretend this story doesn't exist instead of seeking the truth behind it or having to come to the sad reality that perhaps Jesus was a little racist, which again would go against everything I have come to believe about who God is.

All that to say, when Mark 7:27 came to the surface as something we should pray for, my mind immediately was drawn to figuring out why the heck God wanted us to think about the Syro-Pheonician woman. I kept reading the passage over and over again and not understanding at all why this was even in the Bible let alone brought up in our intercession time. I looked at all the different prayer points that had been brought up, and one really stuck out to me; one particular group of people on our list were dealing with questioning the character and nature of God; whether or not God is good and loves his children. It quickly became clear to our group the common thread weaving throughout the prayer points that God brought to our hearts. Every single people group that God brought to our hearts had every right to question the character of God based on what they were going through, but God wanted us to pray that they would not take this pain and somehow thinks this means that God is not real, and if He's real he certainly can't be good, and heck, even if He's good He certainly doesn't love or care about me. God wants to be known for who He truly is, which is good and loving and someone who sees deep value in each individual.

The Syro-Pheonician woman is the shining, Biblical example of this kind of faith.

She was a woman who was given every opportunity to doubt that God is good. The Jewish, religious leaders of this time did not seem to have any respect for foreigners, let alone women...It would seem that no one ever gave her any reason to believe that the God of the Jews loved every man, woman, and child, let alone her personally. YET, she somehow found the courage to not only approach a Jewish man, and a Rabbi at that, but then have the gall to request something of Him. That in and of itself was ballsy...but THEN after she makes her hurried petition and she is rejected, instead of accepting what Jesus implied as truth, perhaps a truth that she was bombarded with for much of her stay in Tyre, she was able to courageously state that she still had value and was worthy to accept good things from her master. Yes, she believed that Jesus could heal people, but I don't think that was what Jesus truly admired about this woman...perhaps He admired her faith in His character, and as a result, the character of God. Why else would he ask her such a clearly racist statement, unless Christ Himself was attempting to tear down this lie in her life?

Our intercession group was then able to pray this truth into the different people groups that had come up; we prayed that they would have the faith of the Syro-Phoenician women and trust that God is good and cares for them, even if the factors around them don't seem to add up to such an answer.

Above all things I wish I had the faith of the Syro-Pheonician woman...I don't. I question God's goodness when I can't find what I want at the supermarket. God says we are to approach His throne boldly and with confidence, the Syro-Pheonician woman did just that...I want nothing more than to be able to do that as well. I'll leave you with a quote from C.S. Lewis that really helped me through a dark time in my life. It's from The Screwtape Letters , which is a novel written from the point of view of a demonic commander corresponding with a lesser demon on the subject of dragging a human from any chance of having a saving relationship with God.

"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken and still obeys."

The Transfiguration

A Biblical event that has always baffled me has been the transfiguration of Christ on the mountain. For those of you that may not be familiar with this particular Biblical narrative, in this story, Jesus and three of his disciples (Peter, James, and his brother John) hike up a mountain where Jesus chooses to "unravel his mortal coil" so to speak and reveal to them that He is truly the son of God in all of His sheen and dazzle. For those who are a little slow on the uptake as to why this particular tale is troubling to me allow me to enlighten you on my first two impressions

1. Why didn't Jesus just walk around like that all the time?

2. Wasn't this mildly arrogant of Christ to "show off" in this manner?

Whatever was truly happening here it was clear to my little mind that it was self-glorifying and odd. I gave up attempting to sort it out and logged it away in my mind as one more of the many mysteries of the Bible that I will probably never fully understand in my lifetime.

Sometime that same year, I remember God really highlighting to me the concept of vulnerability and the importance of being known for who you really are (something that I think, if put into practice, would completely revitalize the Church). I still remember kneeling at an altar at Mancelona Camp in 2006, the summer I worked with Bethel College Admissions as a camp counselor, and hearing God clearly tell me to, "come into the light." I knew that it was time for me to not only get honest with myself and God about who and what I was, but with people that care about me as well. The truth is that at the time I was lost; I was great at religion, but I sucked at intimacy (both with God and with people). It wasn't until I was honest about who I was that I ever had a chance to become who God has made me to be.

As I studied leadership in school I came to the understanding that good leadership is modeled leadership. This led me to think that if God is the perfect Lord and leader and if a good leader (to a certain degree) should be vulnerable, then exactly how has God modeled vulnerability for us? At the time I, of course, had an extremely narrow definition of vulnerability, one which God could never fit in; the ability to confess your shortcomings to other people. I believe this is a part of what vulnerability is, but I've come to realize that this definition is only half of what vulnerability really is. It's merely to allow yourself be seen for who and what you truly are, insecurities and all. Of course, God is complete and the full embodiment of love, and therefore has no insecurities to share with others.

That's when it hit me: THE TRANSFIGURATION! God was vulnerable at the Transfiguration. This wasn't an act of some need for self-glorification, but an act of intimacy; notice who was with Him at the time, Peter, James and John. These three have always been thought to be Jesus's closest friends in Christian pop culture (this may be a "what came first, the chicken or the egg" scenario, but I'm going to run with it). I realized that it's not that Jesus did not want to reveal Himself to the world, but it's that Jesus was being vulnerable with His friends about who He really is.

This clears up my second qualm with this passage, but does it wholly clear up my first? I think it does, and the answer is tied into vulnerability and intimacy. Let's use nudity as an analogy; if we see someone naked against our will (exhibitionism) it can sometimes scar us (or just make for an awkward moment), but when we bare ourselves to say a sexual partner, nudity can be one of the most wonderful things to take part in (I'm sure). People that habitually reveal themselves publicly are considered to have a psycho-sexual dysfunction, or are called porn stars, sluts, prostitutes, man-whores, or college freshmen. Long story short, it is not considered normal for people to see each other naked all the time, and why is that? Could it be there is something precious about nudity? One of my favorite motifs in literature IS the use of nudity to symbolize vulnerability between two people (or the lack thereof, or the falseness of their intimacy). Could Christ's Transfiguration be a fulfillment of this literary motif? But I digress, Jesus understood that there is something about vulnerability that either pushes people further from you or draws them in all the more. Vulnerability always entails risk; Jesus knew, as we are all painfully aware as well, that if He revealed Himself to His three closet friends that they could reject Him, think He has gone insane, brand Him a heretic, think Him to be an evil spirit, or just run away in fear. Jesus hoped they wouldn't do any of things, because He has built a relationship with them already in which they have already begun to trust each other. Think about your history of relationships; if you are intimate and vulnerable immediately, generally people become overwhelmed and bail, or the relationship fizzles out quickly after the initial vulnerability bonanza. To contrast this, if you are never intimate the relationship eventually becomes meaningless, unless it's some form of work or living relationship, and is generally cut off (if not physically then at least emotionally). In short, God very much WANTS to reveal Himself to everyone, but in order to gain access to intimacy with Him He has to know that we can be trusted with that precious gift and that we can trust Him with ours.

I don't know how else to explain it, but I really think that humility is the key to understanding everything and truly knowing God and living a life that is defined by His love.

Sorry this is long, hope you're still with me, because it's time for a shameless plug. As most of you know, I am working on becoming a full-time staff member with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in Orlando. In order to do this I must complete another training school, the School of Ministry Development, which (hence the title) is focused on developing my own ministry with the YWAM umbrella. I am still in need of people who would be interested in partnering with me financially and in prayer. If you would be interested in either please contact me ASAP. Honestly, for now, if 10 people send me $20...I'm golden. If you're interested in partnering with me financially follow these instructions:

MAKE SURE YOU MAKE THE CHECK PAYABLE TO YWAM ORLANDO NOT ME. MAKE NO NOTE ON THE CHECK TO ME, BUT INCLUDE A SEPARATE NOTE THAT IT'S FOR BRENDEN'S SOMD.

YWAM Orlando
P.O. Box 621057
Orlando, FL 32862
Attn. Accounting

OR
Make a donation online!
www.ywamorlando.org
Under the Quick Links section, Make a Payment

The school’s name is School of Ministry Development

If you're interested in partnering with me in prayer shoot me a message on facebook or e-mail at brendenkbell@gmail.com, giving me your name, e-mail, and physical address. Thanks for all your support everyone! Happy New Year!

My Life As It Is

The year is 2004, the place is Campamento Los Pinos, Dominican Republic. My fellow teammates and myself have just spent a week there preaching the gospel and playing with poor little orphan children, and Caleb Bislow, our youth pastor, wanted us gather round for one final team time the last night there to process what we've learned. Having had a miserable time all week (most of which was my own fault, or my body's), when it became my turn to share I said, verbatim, "I don't think God has called me to missions." This tart comment caused an uproar of laughter from my team...as well as from God apparently.

The year is 2009, the place is Orlando, Florida. Pushing out the voices of my past I entered the world of Youth With a Mission; a 50 year-old missions organization, who's mantra is, "to know God and make Him known." If I was to guess what my life would look like today as a young lad, this is not the reality I would have guessed, not even close. I remember being so afraid of "the ministry!" a frightening place that is only for the super spiritual or super old, cranky people. I knew that I was not called to the ministry and was a victim of the "fear of Africa" syndrome that effects so many young Christians that have been indoctrinated into the Christian religion in youth groups. Thankfully, my time in college and with Youth With a Mission (YWAM) have completely obliterated my preconceived notions of ministry and missions.
I've learned that the life of a missionary is a blessed and rich one. During my time that I was overseas in Ukraine and Turkey, I felt like I was more of a professional friend than anything, it was awesome. It's definitely a life filled with LIFE and variety. Everyday was filled with something new and exciting and always filled with new people. Missions is also far more varied than I initially thought; it's not just going to a tribal village and talking about Jesus, or exorcising demons from the local witch doctor, but merely intentionally placing yourself in a community, building relationships, and loving the people around you. Missions is not just telling people about Jesus, but living your life in such a way that speaks his name, and becoming a person in character and attitude that has his name written all over it. I found our lives, and the testimony therein, were far more powerful that merely speaking words. Missions is not for the single, special super-Christian, but for anyone who is willing to make a difference and work with others.

I remember as a youth being told that God wanted me to go out into my schools and tell my friends to come to church and become Christians. I knew that in order to be a good Christian boy I had to be a good, little evangelist, but no one ever bothered to explain to me why that was even an important activity in the first place. My childhood view of evangelism could be likened to an invading army seeking to conquer its neighboring territory for no foreseeable reason other than to further their own power and influence in society under the guise of improving the quality of life. It seemed to me to be the same mindset used to justify religious atrocities throughout the ages. I truly began to question, what do we as Christians really have that enriches the lives of those around us? Jesus is a popular answer, but what does that mean? What kingdom did Jesus bring that is so astoundingly beautiful that leaves me with no choice but to sell everything in order to follow him? The truth is, without a knowledge of who God is and a deep awareness of the love he has for each one of us as an individual, sadly Christianity will fade into nothing more than an empty religion that seeks to conquer. However, if I truly understand the love that God has for me and allow that love to invade my stony heart, then evangelism would be as natural as telling everyone people about the spouse you’re married to and how deeply you love them. This is the God I have begun to discover during my time in college and with YWAM, and it has been mind-blowing and life-giving.

As a result, I am planning on staying with YWAM for now; I have been accepted to their School of Ministry Development (SOMD), which is (hence the title) a school that helps an individual develop a ministry that fits them within the umbrella of YWAM. Along with the school I just completed with YWAM, the Discipleship Training School or DTS, these are what is required before someone can apply to be a staff member at YWAM Orlando, which I can't believe to say is my tentative goal, because being a staff member with YWAM Orlando is equivalent to being a missionary. Time for a shameless plug, this means that I need to raise support, or in a less PC vernacular, I need money. The life of a missionary is one that requires my entire attention, but does not provide me with any income. I am looking for a few good people who would be interested in supporting me financially. I know times are tough economically, and if you just can't help that's fine, don't feel bad. Feel free to message me on facebook or e-mail me at brendenkbell@gmail.com for more information on what I've done overseas or what I'm interested in doing in the future, or what it would mean to support me in my ministry. Thank you so much to everyone that has supported me in my life and ministries. It is such a blessing to see the amount of people that have sent me support.

Faith Like a Child

Before I came to Ukraine, the staff of YWAM Orlando prayed for each member of our team individually for something called "original design." If the name does not give away what this means then I will explain simply by saying that a few staff members met with me and asked God what He created me to be, or what my original design is. Most of the things that they felt that God was saying to them seemed to make perfect sense to me, save one; they told me that God had created me to be a person of child-like faith. I almost laughed out loud when they said that to me, because I think that I am one of the most skeptical Christians that I know! I am always the one that questions miracles and questions the supernatural, and I feel like I am the one that always wonders if God is really real and if He really cares about me, more than the average Christian. I didn't think anything of this again until this morning while I was writing in my journal and I felt that God was speaking to me about what it means to be a CHILD of God. God wants us to come to Him as little children, what does that REALLY mean? I'm beginning to realize that I AM a child...not by human standards, but in the things of God I am an infant. Perhaps coming to God as a child merely means admitting to God that I really know nothing about love and God and what it means to be a follower of God and allowing him to raise me and be my Father. i don't know, these thoughts are still in process.
Well, we've now been in the Ukraine for five weeks, four of which have been spent in Lutsk, and we plan to leave for Istanbul late tomorrow night. We are all unbelievably excited. It's hard for us to leave here however after having built some great foundational relationships here, but we are ready to be in another culture and have new experiences. I have some bad news...I will be fasting from the internet while in Turkey, because apprently the government monitors it and we as a team don't want to take any chances. This is probably the last you'll hear from me for four weeks, so God bless; I love and miss you all. In all things be humble, because humility is the key to intimacy. In humility I think I will truly be able to become a child, resting in the presence of my Father. See you in November!

Everything is Illuminated...Sort Of

     I've spent three weeks in the Ukraine, and by this point it's difficult to not notice a few things about the life and culture here. For thoseof you who have seen "Everything is Illuminated," you will understand this post better than those that have not. I HATED the music in that movie, but now that I'm here I've come to the realization that the soundtrack fits Ukraine perfectly. I have compiled a quick list of some things to be aware of when traveling to ze Ukraine.

1. If you see a plethora of dogs running around don't panic! It's perfectly normal...there is no pound in ze Ukraine...and yes they are friendly...I am friends with all of them.

2. Mesh shirts are a must

3. Girls, make sure you wear your stilleto heels...everywhere

4. Be prepared to have some of the best bread and chocolate you can imagine

5. Men, bring your shiniest suits...shiny suits are in!

6. Mullet=awesome

       All in all I love Ukraine. The people here are so nice and so open to relationships with Americans. Our primary focus has been to try and build relationships with people in the area, and so far we're having great success. A group of sweet individuals (you know who you are ;)) invited us to speak to everyone in their school that was taking an English class, so we went in and preached the gospel to about 120 English students in a public school right outside of Lutsk. It was awesome.  Our main focus has been playing football (soccer to us Yankees) with some of the youth in the area, and that has been going very well as well, I love all those guys (DIMA! ARTEM!). It's been such a blessing to be here, but definitely outside of all our comfort zones as well. 

      As for my own personal illumination....slowly. God has just been tryingto teach me how to rest, and I don't mean on a Lazy Boy, I mean an internal rest. It's been so challenging to try and rest in His love, but it's what God's calling me to. I miss all of you so much, I'm not just saying that. I love you guys, thanks so much for your love and your prayers; know that they have made a difference. I'll try to update soon.

...and then I found out I'm really Jewish...

Entering a World of Grey

I've been in the Ukraine for five days now and it's been fairly surreal. Most times I don't even feel like I'm in a foreign country or have traveled far at all. Thanks to our media the world seems like such a small place; it's lost some of its grandeur and mystery. After taking a quick flight from Orlando to Detroit, literally running to catch a plane to Amsterdam and then taking another quick flight, we found ourselves in the cold, grey land of Ukraine. I think the thing that I first noticed that struck me most was that EVERYBODY smoked here..it's weird for someone NOT to smoke. Some YWAM missionaries who live in Kiev (or Kyiv to the natives) picked us up on a bus and took our team to the Moon Beach campus of YWAM Kiev. We've been spending the last week at a global YWAM conference, which is really just like Brown City Camp except our speakers are speaking from four different locations over a global network that we're all taking part in. It's quite the unique experience! After the conference has come to an end, we'll be heading north to a town called Lutsk, where will be spending the remainder of our time in the Ukraine.

I'd love to update you more on what God's been doing in my life and what I'll be doing for the next month that I'm the Ukraine, but I have limited time on the internet at this point. Pray that God would continue to reveal Himself to me in real, intimate ways, and that He would continue to unite our team (and that we would snap out of our jet lag quickly). Thank you all for your support, hopefully I'll update soon, and more thoroughly!